Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Just for the record: We Aint Them...

From the Desk of Bubba:
Ok, so every since this new deep southern fried paranormal show come out, our gazillion fans have been askin' "Is that y'all?" Let me say that while- yes, they do bear some resemble, resemblations, they do look a little like us, they aint the original Redneck Ghost Questerz. We was redneck before redneck was even cool. They got a Bubba just like us but that is where all the similaredy ? damn it, similaredyness? ends. We use time tested and true methods of hunting and our no fuss no muss make it yourself tools of the trade work way better than their daggum spirit boxes, emf'n  equipment combinated. Plus, truth be told we're better lookin too.
Now here's a daggum memo for the noobie ghost quester:
We gotta tell ya there is a lot in the woods and in the dark that sounds paranormal that aint. We don't like doing  investigatin in the outdoors cause there's too many things that do wiggle, and squiggle about that is a lot more bothersome than ghosts is.. ya got big ol' frogs, rats, snakes, spiders, wild cats, lizards, and bugs of all kinds out there stirring up a ruckus..how can you say what you're hearing under them circumst,circasta circumcisionances? Whatever, you know what we mean..you can't tell in the dark. Is it a bug or ghost, hell I don't know.
Some more advice, quit cursing in front of the ghosts, they don't like it, one of our trainees said the "F" word and got clear slapped to the back of the head. The trainee was rendered crossed eyed, drooling and and incohearing, inchoheret, ununderstandible for hours afterward. So unless you wanna run the risk of being a fumbling idiot that dont nobody never understands never, keep on swearing and a cursin and see what happens..Nobody likes being ununderstandible.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

When in doubt run fool run!

"He met with a severe fall" from Wal...
"He met with a severe fall" from Wallace Goldsmith's illustrations to Oscar Wilde's The Canterville Ghost. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
You know we been real busy ghost huntin' and with the holidays we was kicking our heels with friends and family..but now we got to get back to work and one thing I wont to touch on is we get asked this question a lot.."Bubba what do I do when a ghost is threatening me...?" Well you'd think it would be a no brainer but alas it aint..the answer? Run !
You know Brian Harnois took a lot of guff fer his famous phrase "Dude run" but I am inclined to agree with him, hell yeah you run..you can't fight and hit back and some spectors can flat out knock ya right on your hind end...so laugh all you want  to but I agree with him...
One feller asked us what to do when a ghost slaps you, and again, I can't stress enough, run.
Now the RGQ has been pinched,poked, prodded and molested so we've had it all done to us, and hells fire, I think I had one of the succubuses one time too on me..and let me tell you, dont' fall for it I dont care how drunk you are, its a trick..they start of looking like the woman of your dreams but in the morning, damn!
That's when you throw ten dollars on the dresser and again, Run! if you leave your pants behind so be it..git out!
If you must smudge yourself we recommend this too and no, dont go thinking grabbing a handful of weeds and burning them in a mason jar is gonna git it, if you have to go online and find yourself what you need.
Well thats a little tidbit for now, we're going to go stare up at the sky and see if we can see some ufo's and flying rods and what not..
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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

How to make your own ghost huntin' gadgets

First of all people think you got to spend a lot of money on fancy equipment to detect ghosts in the room. The truth is a few good household items, duct tape, and batteries can be used in many things.

Fly swatter photo by Heron.Fly swatter photo by Heron. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Flyswatter- a flyswatter is a great divining rod. Yep, just clip off the business end (the part that kills the fly) with some wire cutters and then take the same wire cutters and clip the loop end, the part you hold in your hand and clip it in the middle. Split it apart and there ya go. Your own divining rod. You can sometimes find water with it too. We actually went to a neighbors house and used it to find out where his septic tank was. We didn't find it on the count that he had forgot he had an outhouse.

Tin foil hat 3Tin foil hat 3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tin foil- you may laugh but if you truly want to keep aliens from reading your mind then you need to make yourself a tin foil hat asap. I know you may have seen that movie with Mel Gibson whereas the family was sitting in the living room on the davenport (that's another word for sofa couch) and they's all wearing tin foil hats. Well turns out that's a good idea. We use them every time we go out on a UFO investigation, and so far no one can read our minds,..even regular people. Believe me we tested it.

English: Duct Tape as purchased in AustraliaEnglish: Duct Tape as purchased in Australia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Duct tape and batteries- Listen, duct tape and batteries can be used for a lot of great things, but they can be rigged up to a digital thermometer and produce a signal that is able to detect electricity. You can look this up MacGyver, I aint got all day.

DO in ShadesDO in Shades (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Night Vision Googles- Ok, so you know how there's all sorts of night vision googles out there. Well we found out that the cheapest night vision googles was made when you took a pair of shades and popped out the shade part. You can't see everything in the dark, but you can see a lot more in the dark that way then with the shade lenses in. Now if you want to go high tech, simply place the googles over your regular glasses for an even better look see. Oh, also, we recommend duct taping a small flash light on the top of your head to light the way. The two items together work pretty good.
English: Vacuum Set-upEnglish: Vacuum Set-up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Old canister vacuum- Yep you heard right, I know Ghost Busters used it in a movie, and you might think it wont work but we've used it a few times and it has certainly made a difference. What you want to do is prepare it for offending ghosts by sticking into the vacuum bag a few things ghosts don't like, like Garlic powder, and sage. When you vacuum the floor that smell goes all over the room and ghosts high tail it outta there! The one in the picture would work great!   Warning: This won't work on Italian ghosts..just sayin'.........      

Oops, maybe it works too good.....
English: Vacuum bedEnglish: Vacuum bed (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
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Friday, July 20, 2012

Redneck Ghost Jokes

Question: Why was there a ghost in the out house?
Answer: He had to EV Pee

Question: Why do ghosts hate to perform in theatres?
Answer: They get tired of all the Boos

Question: What kind of street does  a ghost live on?
Answer: A dead end.

Question: Why did the ghost get divorced?
Answer: His wife found out he had ghoul friend

Question: What is a ghost with a broke leg?
Answer: A hoblin Goblin

Question: What beach front property do ghosts like?
Answer: Any where near the Dead Sea

Question: Why  do ghosts make great cheerleaders?
Answer: They're full of team spirit!

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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Dealing with ghosts that don't know they's dead

English: A RadioShack brand cassette recorder,...English: A RadioShack brand cassette recorder, with built-in microphone. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)You know, ghosts is a lot like people. They's stupid ones and dumber ones. Often times when we here at RGQ go on a haunt we have to try an figure out whether the spirits is intelligent or slow witted. You'd be surprised how many are dumber than a stick in some mud.  Listen to this recount of a recent EVP session. I'd play it but our cassette player broke before we could get it online.

RGQ investigator: What do you want from this family?
Ghost evp: Git out
RGQ investigator: We aint going no where until you answer us, so give us a sign you're listening.
Ghost evp: Shut your mouth
RGQ investigator : Can you see me? How many fingers am I holding up?
Ghost evp: 2
RGQ investigator: Wrong I was holding up 3.
Ghost evp: I meant to say 3
RGQ investigator: Do you want to cross over to the other side?
Ghost evp: I am on the other side
RGQ investigator: Can you speak into this here recorder?
Ghost evp: No
RGQ investigator: Do you know you're dead?
Ghost evp: No, prove it
RGQ investigator: Did you die in this house?
Ghost evp: Who says I died?

As you can see, this here ghost was in complete denial over their situation. We did some sage smudgin and praying and hopefully they moved on. They aint always too smart none either..as you can tell....

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Friday, June 8, 2012

Knock once for "yes" and two times for "no"....

OrbsOrbs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)We here at RGQ have been real busy. For some reason, when it gets warmer weather the ghosts seem to act up more than ever.  We get asked often how do we communicate with spirits from the netherworld and most people think we have some sophis..sofis,..er.. some special way of doing it. Well, we don't. Our usual way we ask questions is like this:

RGQ investigator: To the spirit,  Is there anyone that would like to come forward an say something?
Knock once for "yes", "two times" for "no" and "three times" for "I ain't sure" and "four times" for "could you repeat that?"

RGQ investigator: Are you the one that has been making all the noise in this here house?
Knock once for "yes", "two times" for "no" and "three times" for "I ain't sure" and "four times" for "what's it to ya?"

RGQ investigator: Speaking to the entity that is in this here house, are you here?
Knock once for "yes" and "two times" for "no"....(you'd be surprised how many times they knock two times...oh well at least we don't waste no more time on the case once they tell us they aint in the house...)

RGQ investigator: Do you know you are dead?
Knock once for "yes" two times for "no", three times for "says who?" and four times for "Are you sure?"

RGQ investigator: Can you give us a sign of your presence?
Knock once for "yes", two times for "no", three times for "I'm not sure" and four times for "I don't know how.." (that's when we tell the spirit to touch somebody)...

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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

So What if "Bob" left Ghost Hunters

Now we here at RGQ usually don't like to be mean an say ugly things and what not against feller ghost hunterers...but hells bells, ever since that guy left that ghost huntin show on tv we been getting a bunch of questions about it. How in the hell do we know why (we'll call him "Bob") left his show? Bob looked like he was in for a vacation any way with that tired expression he had. Not mention he was always being a told what to do by that bald guy that thinks he is God's gift to Ghosts. RGQ's prides itself in being able to help people out of a ghostly jam.