Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tale of the haunted outhouse

This here is Bubba, the head honcho of RGQ and lead investigator, it come to my attention not so long ago that odd areas of a homestead can be haunted such is the story of the haunted outhouse.
We were contact by Earl Rufus Clemens and his young bride Stella back in 1995 about an old homestead  in Tennessee, they had inherited from Stella's grand pa. They moved into the, well, lets say, fixer upper and commenced to having a happy married union.  The home was pretty rustic and did not have an indoor bathroom but an outhouse was near by.


One night Earl had to go make water and was his usual custom grabbed a magazine, tucked it under his arm, slipped on his hunting boots and lit a candle to take the the outhouse. Earl claimed once he got all comfy and situated and begin thumbing through his magazine the candle blew out. Fortunate for Earl, he always carried a spare strike anywhere match in his boot and so he lit the candle again.  Once again it blew out except this time, there was a low growl that happened just as it got dark.


Needless to say, Earl grabbed his candle, and made a run for it in the dark back to the main house. He tripped over his long johns that he forgot to pull up and after a few unsuccessful recoveries finally made it back to the house. He told his wife his story, but his young bride just laughed, as I was also inclined to do. Just picturing old Earl falling over his own long johns was funny enough.


In comes RGQ. Earl called us a few days later demanding a complete investigation, and he said it was pretty urgent since he hadn't gone to the bathroom in several days. He even said he'd been loading up on his cheese intake just to avoid having to go, but then stated he was all bound up and knew he couldn't hold off any longer.


Well we came on out and set up our investigation, I spent the entire night in the outhouse trying to substantiate Earl's claims. I must say sitting in an outhouse aint my favorite type of investigation, but at least I didn't have far to go, should nature call.  We were able to get a few evps, all of them were strange sounding, none were words. Our candle did flare up  a few times, but that was my fault as we did hit up on Taco Bell before going out to the Clemens house.


Then it come, the growl Earl had reported. It was quite a snarl and I'm glad I was in an outhouse and actually sitting on the toilet when it happened. I would have had an accident in my overalls otherwise. We determined after 8 hours of investigating that the outhouse was indeed haunted. Our research turned up that Stellas grandpa actually died in the outhouse, kinda Elvis style and so we figured he was the one haunting the little shed.


We told Earl this was an easy fix, he just needed to have the outhouse smudged. Well..Earl called back a few days later saying he'd smudged and what not but the candle was still going out and there was an angry voice that said "git out". We went back to Earl's to see what was up and low and behold, I guess we should've explained to ol' Earl what "smudgin" was.  I won't tell you what type of smudgin he did or what gawd awful material he used but let it suffice to say, he used what most of us go to an outhouse for. I expect Stella's grandpa was madder than hell, so we went in with our dried sage and feather and gave the outhouse a smudging proper. We gathered together hand in hand in  circle to say a send off prayer. I chose not to hold Earl's hand..he still had his brand of smudge on him...
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