Somethin' Wicked This Way Wafts!!

RGQ! We needin' some big time help! My wife, Erline and I had recently bought an old house that was on the market since 1985. For some reason nobody wanted to buy it. We got it at a good price, so we decided to go 'head and git her. It's a fixer upper, but that's alright since I am currently unemployment. My wife works flexible hours at Wal-Mart, so we can get a lot done when she's home. We were goin' through the whole house tryin' to fix everything that needed it and we got to the second bathroom. That's where all the mess hit the ceilin' fan!


This room has got to be a portal of the damned! As soont as we walked into the bathroom to think about what color shelf paper to put on the walls, this really bad smell come up to our noses! It was more foul than what you usually smell in the toilet, iffin' you get my drift!! Well... we couldn't stand bein' in there for long so we ran down the hall and threw some stick-ups down the hall towards the bathroom! Hopefully a little vaniller scent would do it some good.


We started seein' dark shadows, or what you call specters?? Well, they was runnin' into that bathroom kinda' like you do with IBS. I wouldn't think a ghost could have irritated bowels, but.. who knows? This dark, sphincter specter kept goin' in real fast, stinkin' up and leaving the bathroom. I checked the toilet after one time and there was a weird smell and somethin' floatin' in the water... I ran outta there faster than Dale Earnhardt in Darlington!!

This ghost has a butt problem and needs to be dealt with fast like! We're afraid to even cook anythin' in the kitchen that would be too hot or spicy... just in case this ghost was sneakin' in the kitchen an' eatin' our food. I set up a tape recorder to catch an evp myself... and lo and behold there was somethin' on there. All I can say is that it sounded like a man-wolf! It was growlin' and then moanin' and then growlin' again. After a few minutes of that we heard a splash!! The toilet then sounded like it was flushed, but I'll leave it to y'all to investigate it further. Please help us get rid of this gassly ghost! ~ James R. Bendenover

Dear James,
It would helped if you had a good pic of the toilet, but aside from that, we have known specters to hang around toilets. We don't know what the attraction is, but if you leave a magazine in there, chances are I will stay a spell myself, provided the toilet flushes. We can come and conduct an investigation, but this sounds like you can erradicate this ghost yourself. Light a candle, sprinkle some salt around and in the toilet, spirits don't like salt. Have the spirit crossover with a prayer, and sprinkle more salt in the toilet and give her a flush. Let me know if this works. If not we will have Lulu get in touch with ya.
Bubba