Dealing with ghosts that don't know they's dead

English: A RadioShack brand cassette recorder, with built-in microphone. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)You know, ghosts is a lot like people. They's stupid ones and dumber ones. Often times when we here at RGQ go on a haunt we have to try an figure out whether the spirits is intelligent or slow witted. You'd be surprised how many are dumber than a stick in some mud.  Listen to this recount of a recent EVP session. I'd play it but our cassette player broke before we could get it online.






RGQ investigator: What do you want from this family?
Ghost evp: Git out
RGQ investigator: We aint going no where until you answer us, so give us a sign you're listening.
Ghost evp: Shut your mouth
RGQ investigator : Can you see me? How many fingers am I holding up?
Ghost evp: 2
RGQ investigator: Wrong I was holding up 3.
Ghost evp: I meant to say 3
RGQ investigator: Do you want to cross over to the other side?
Ghost evp: I am on the other side
RGQ investigator: Can you speak into this here recorder?
Ghost evp: No
RGQ investigator: Do you know you're dead?
Ghost evp: No, prove it
RGQ investigator: Did you die in this house?
Ghost evp: Who says I died?

As you can see, this here ghost was in complete denial over their situation. We did some sage smudgin and praying and hopefully they moved on. They aint always too smart none either..as you can tell....

Aliens is here!

Hey yall, this here's Bubba, its been a spell since I updated on our site here, and for those that have contacted us about helping them don't you worry none, we're on it. We been branching out here at RGQ and lo and behold we've expanded our investigating to include aliens.
 Heres what me and my crew have uncovered so far:

1. Aliens is here. Period.

Image via Wikipedia

2. Hollywood worships them

Image via Wikipedia

3. Tom Cruise is probly one

Image via Wikipedia

4. Area 51 will shoot you if you get drunk and walk past that sign that says don't come here or we'll kill ya. Sorry uncle Sam, I forgot.

Image via Wikipedia

5. Aliens can read your mind, so don't think about smart stuff because they'll want to breed with you. FYI, probing aint fun

hongi tom cruise (Photo credit: The Warriors Way)

How to protect yourself from Alien invasion
1. Tin foil hat, I know it should go without saying, but you  know this may help block their being able to read your mind.

Image via Wikipedia

2. Always wear anti probing underwear. We are currently trying to get a prototype for our own design we're working on. It has a metal mesh barrier in the seat of underwear that makes it impossible for Alien probing. Now if we can figure out a way to keep aliens from just pulling off the undies altogether we're in business.

Image via Wikipedia

3. Wrap yourself in bubble wrap. I have it on good authority that the snapping and popping noise actually scares Aliens.

Image via Wikipedia

4. Disguise yourself as an Alien. For about $15.00 you can buy an Alien mask to wear to fool the Alien. Make sure its ugly, we don't want to attract them if you know what I mean.

CIMG3360 (Photo credit: Rita Simon 

5. Don't be home. We find most Alien abductions take place in the home. So don't be there.   

Gone Fishin'

 

Ghosts is smart!

Image via WikipediaHey everybody, this here is Bubba, and you may remember I was talking about some new things we were working on in the tech department that would fool ghosts into thinking we weren't there to bother them..well we finally did an investigation using the initial prototype of the EMFlyswatter 2000, you may recall we said this would be a modified flyswat that would have the ability to detect a ghostly presence.  I figured walking around with a flyswatter would be a familiar site to a ghost in the south, since we tend to have more flies than paranormal stuff and that's sayin ' a lot. Well turns out the ghost was not fooled, in fact we just recently got back from what they call around these parts as the Sheffield Sugar Shack. A little out of the way place that was built back in prohibition times, also known as a juke joint. The place had a long standing reputation of having been haunted. Many fights broke out and many deaths occurred.
Well whatever ghost that is there is an intelligent spirit, as I sat down the EMFlyswatter2000  for a bit to go do some evp work and when I returned, there was three dead flies stuck to the EMFlyswatter 2000.  I wished I had thought to turn the camera on that EMFlyswatter 2000, but I didn't think the ghost would bother it. After all, it was supposed to fool the ghost. One thing I do know is, the EMFlyswatter may not be able to detect ghosts, but it sure is one helluva flyswatter, worse case scenario, I may market it all the same.  Damn.. Ghosts is smart!

Tale of the haunted outhouse

This here is Bubba, the head honcho of RGQ and lead investigator, it come to my attention not so long ago that odd areas of a homestead can be haunted such is the story of the haunted outhouse.
We were contact by Earl Rufus Clemens and his young bride Stella back in 1995 about an old homestead  in Tennessee, they had inherited from Stella's grand pa. They moved into the, well, lets say, fixer upper and commenced to having a happy married union.  The home was pretty rustic and did not have an indoor bathroom but an outhouse was near by.


One night Earl had to go make water and was his usual custom grabbed a magazine, tucked it under his arm, slipped on his hunting boots and lit a candle to take the the outhouse. Earl claimed once he got all comfy and situated and begin thumbing through his magazine the candle blew out. Fortunate for Earl, he always carried a spare strike anywhere match in his boot and so he lit the candle again.  Once again it blew out except this time, there was a low growl that happened just as it got dark.


Needless to say, Earl grabbed his candle, and made a run for it in the dark back to the main house. He tripped over his long johns that he forgot to pull up and after a few unsuccessful recoveries finally made it back to the house. He told his wife his story, but his young bride just laughed, as I was also inclined to do. Just picturing old Earl falling over his own long johns was funny enough.


In comes RGQ. Earl called us a few days later demanding a complete investigation, and he said it was pretty urgent since he hadn't gone to the bathroom in several days. He even said he'd been loading up on his cheese intake just to avoid having to go, but then stated he was all bound up and knew he couldn't hold off any longer.


Well we came on out and set up our investigation, I spent the entire night in the outhouse trying to substantiate Earl's claims. I must say sitting in an outhouse aint my favorite type of investigation, but at least I didn't have far to go, should nature call.  We were able to get a few evps, all of them were strange sounding, none were words. Our candle did flare up  a few times, but that was my fault as we did hit up on Taco Bell before going out to the Clemens house.


Then it come, the growl Earl had reported. It was quite a snarl and I'm glad I was in an outhouse and actually sitting on the toilet when it happened. I would have had an accident in my overalls otherwise. We determined after 8 hours of investigating that the outhouse was indeed haunted. Our research turned up that Stellas grandpa actually died in the outhouse, kinda Elvis style and so we figured he was the one haunting the little shed.


We told Earl this was an easy fix, he just needed to have the outhouse smudged. Well..Earl called back a few days later saying he'd smudged and what not but the candle was still going out and there was an angry voice that said "git out". We went back to Earl's to see what was up and low and behold, I guess we should've explained to ol' Earl what "smudgin" was.  I won't tell you what type of smudgin he did or what gawd awful material he used but let it suffice to say, he used what most of us go to an outhouse for. I expect Stella's grandpa was madder than hell, so we went in with our dried sage and feather and gave the outhouse a smudging proper. We gathered together hand in hand in  circle to say a send off prayer. I chose not to hold Earl's hand..he still had his brand of smudge on him...

It came in from the rear...

Image via WikipediaHey this is Phantom flusher Freddie
We went to McBrickles house this am to follow up on reports about hauntings and I  decided to do an initial walkthrough of the premises.  So far we've only been getting noises from the back of the house which leads me to believe the ghostly presence may not want to come in through the front door. The house was built in 1907, and supposedly had servants at one time, maybe this was a servant ?


The back door has flung open twice on its own accord and has now slammed shut in my face, what ever presence is in here its a rude one. We're thinking about bringing the dog in to get some feedback and so far we got one evp, but I swear it sounds like a "burp". Maybe Bubba might consider sharing a beer with the specter later. We'll see, Bubba is pretty dang greedy with his suds. More updates as we continue our observations..
~Freddie

ghosts is alive!

Image via WikipediaDear admin,
It has come to my attention that they is people sayin mess like ghost aint real. What a load for the commode! I have seen them many times, and will be glad to update ghost questerz from time to time. For right now, lets just say I believe what I seen, and I seen what I believe. Not trying to get too deep on your reading audience and what not but ghosts is alive, period.
Right now we are workin on some ghost huntin equipment that is meant to look like ordinary objects so as to fool the ghosts into thinking we aint there to bother them we just walking around talking to ourselves. Some of the ones on the table in the "idea" stage are as follows: Flyswat devining rods, tin foil fishing caps (so they and ufo's can't read our mind), chewing tobacco scent cover up, solar powered evp device. We think we got a few big ones there and hope  to market them on this site and others.
Until our next haint hunt, which is slated to be in Pillsbury landing, Tennessee we bid ya farewell.
Bubba ghost butt buster